C/O University of Colorado Boulder, Health & Wellness Services
Changes to our schedules, living situations, daily routines and overall responsibilities can make it hard to pinpoint exactly where we need to prioritize our time or energy.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to help you understand your relationship with self-care, what works for you right now and where to go from here.
What does self-care mean to you?
Over the past few years, self-care has transformed into a buzzword. While taking care of ourselves seems self-explanatory, self-care as a whole can feel abstract or difficult to achieve. Take some time to reflect on what self-care means to you and any assumptions you may have about what self-care looks like.
These questions can help you get started:
- What activities or images come to mind when you think about self-care?
- What feelings do you associate with self-care?
- Do you have any hesitations about engaging in self-care?
- Why is it important for you to engage in self-care?
What are some barriers to your self-care routine?
There are a number of barriers that can interfere with our efforts to engage in self-care. These include personal circumstances as well as structural factors that may be out of our control. Think through some of the barriers that may be impacting you.
Here are some common barriers to self-care and ways to overcome them:
Self-awareness
Many of us know how to take care of ourselves, but we may not always know what to prioritize or how to get started with self-care. You might not fully understand your needs or you may be used to pushing them aside to get things done. If this sounds familiar, it can take time to become more mindful and cultivate a deeper self-awareness around your needs. An easy way to check this is by looking inward: Can you identify your emotions or feelings easily? Can you identify the areas in your body where these emotions occur? If you struggle with this, consider taking a few minutes each day to do a body scan . This can be a great way to pause and become more attuned to listening to your body’s needs.
Lack of time
Chances are you have a lot on your plate right now. It’s normal to get caught up in our assignments, to-do lists and obligations (both real and imagined). However, this can lead to increased distress as we attempt to get everything done. It’s important to remember that life isn’t just a list of tasks to complete. There will never come a time when there is nothing left to do and all the items on your list are finally checked off. Instead, try to acknowledge that life is always in motion. Whether you’ve completed your tasks for the day or not, take time to put the to-do list aside and focus on other things, like self-care. In fact, addressing our most basic needs can actually improve our ability to function in other areas of our life.
Guilt
Have you ever experienced that nagging, guilty voice in the back of your mind when you think about self-care? The truth is, self-care guilt is pretty common and it can creep up on us in a variety of ways. You may feel guilty because you see self-care as an indulgence, or you may feel obligated to say yes to others, or taking care of yourself may not always feel as productive or worthwhile as other tasks. Overcoming feelings of guilt may require you to rethink your assumptions about self-care or redefine some different areas in your life, so you can start making yourself more of a priority.
Unrealistic expectations
Self-care can feel like a lofty goal sometimes, especially if we have unrealistic expectations for what it is or what it can do for us. It’s important to remind ourselves that self-care is meant to be a sustainable practice that helps us to address our immediate and future needs. When we hold ourselves or our routine to unreasonable standards, it can be difficult to achieve any level of self-care. This is because we can become trapped in all-or-nothing cycles of thinking. For instance, if you commit to going to the gym twice per week and you only make it once, you may tell yourself that self-care is too hard or that you just can’t do it. Instead, try to reframe your thinking and adjust your self-care plans to work for where you are in this moment of life. In this example, if working out multiple times a week feels unattainable, consider dialing back or changing up your plans to make it more manageable.
Community care
While self-care is important in promoting our health and well-being, it’s not the only type of care that matters. In fact, community care is equally important in order for us to live happy, healthy and full lives. But what’s the difference? Self-care focuses on the ways we take care of ourselves. Community care focuses on how communities and support systems care for each other. When it comes to taking care of our health and well-being, it’s okay to ask for help and acknowledge that we can’t always do it on our own. Take some time to reflect on what you need most right now or what activities you feel overwhelmed by. Is each item something that you can champion on your own or would it be more helpful to have some form of outside support? Understanding the limits of self-care and being able to seek out and accept forms of community support can help you avoid self-care burnout and lean into new or existing support systems in your life.
Structural barriers
Self-care can butt up against structural barriers that are out of our control, including social inequities, discrimination, financial barriers and limited access to resources or services. For instance, you may lack or have inadequate access to health services, food or other necessary goods, financial support or knowledge relevant to navigating complex systems. Overcoming these types of barriers can be challenging. It’s important to realize that you don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes the simplest (and hardest) way to get support is to ask for it. For instance, letting your professors know that you are struggling to secure housing or letting your healthcare provider know that you are struggling with mental health concerns can create opportunities to have important conversations and connect with additional support that you may not have had before.
What is working for you now?
Most of us already do a lot to take care of ourselves and engage in self-care, even if we don’t always recognize it in that way.
Take some time to think through all of the activities that help you take care of yourself that you already do on a regular basis. This could include practicing gratitude, reading for enjoyment, practicing a skill, taking time away from your electronic devices or work, catching up with friends and so much more. Write down all of the little (and big) things you do for yourself.
What gaps do you want to fill?
Now that you’ve identified the activities you already do for yourself, consider if there are any gaps you’d like to fill or activities you’d like to add to your daily, weekly or monthly routine.
Keep in mind that it can be difficult to add multiple activities all at once, so pace yourself and know that you can always revisit activities or adjust your plan as needed. Instead of trying to do it all, try to brainstorm and prioritize one or two things. Commit to a goal that’s feasible for you right now. Keeping a journal to track your mood or other changes over time can also provide great insights into how your self-care journey is progressing.
Get a free, printable self-care worksheet
C/O University of Buffalo; Adapted from Saakvitne, Pearlman, & Staff of TSI/CAAP (1996).
Download a free copy of the self-care worksheet to guide you in examining how often and how well you take care of yourself.
When you are finished, look for patterns in your responses. Are you more active in some
areas of self-care but ignore others? Are there items on the list that make you think, "I
would never do that"? Listen to your inner responses, your internal dialogue about self-care
and making yourself a priority. Take particular note of anything you would like to include
more in your life.